Cronicas Monchianas

Maybe some things are better left broken and scattered
Veiled in darkness, secret bitterness and self-doubt
I should have known better
Than to start something that I couldn’t finish
That I couldn’t care about
That I couldn’t remember starting in the first place
I don’t want to know you
You went years without me
You might as well keep going.

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What I felt for you was a combination of respect and affection. There was a closeness I felt through intimate interaction. The affection part is all over with. All that remains is the respect. If I put my arms around you and told you that I missed you, I would be lying. You’re alright with me and I wish you well. But you’re not me and that makes you one of them and you can only get so close.

The warrior code. The delight in the battle, you understand that, yes? But also something more. You understand there is something outside yourself that has to be served. And when that need is gone, when belief has died, what are you? A man without a master. 

Fell no pain, but my life ain’t easy
I know I’m my best friend
No one cares, but I’m so much stronger
I’ll fight until the end
To escape from the true false world
Undamaged destiny
Can’t get caught in the endless circle
Ring of stupidity

Out of my own, out to be free
One with my mind, they just can’t see
No need to hear things that they say
Life is for my own to live my own way

Rape my mind and destroy my feelings
Don’t tell my what to do
I don’t care now, ‘cause I’m on my side
And I can see through you
Feed my brain with your so called standards
Who says that I ain’t right
Break away from your common fashion
See through your blurry sight

Out of my own, out to be free
One with my mind, they just can’t see
No need to hear things that they say
Life is for my own to live my own way

See they try to bring the hammer down
No damn chains can hold me to the ground
Life is for my own to live my own way

MetallicA.- Ride The Lightning

Hetfield stated that his wife had helped him to mature and learn to deal with his anger issues more constructively, explaining that after they met, his destructive tendencies embarrassed both of them. He is also sober and has been since undergoing a rehab program in 2002 (documented in the film Some Kind of Monster), maintaining total abstinence from alcohol.

So Let it be Written… So Let it be DONE

My main goal is to stay alive. To keep fooling myself into hanging around. To keep getting up every day. Right now I live without inspiration. I go day to day and do the work because it’s all I know. I know that if I keep moving I stand a chance. I must keep myself going until I find a reason to live. I need one so bad. On the other hand maybe I don’t. Maybe it’s all bullshit. Nothing I knew from my old life can help me here. Most of the things that I believed turned out to be useless. Appendages from someone else’s life.

Is there anything here I can call my own? A feeling? A moment? Anything? Will there ever be a time when I am truly loved? When I’ll know it and not wonder if it’s real? Is there something I can protect and love and care about? Is there a truth I can keep that has no fear attached? Will there ever be a time when I can be somewhere and it will feel like home? Will there ever be a time when I will look around me and know I am finally in the place I am supposed to be? Is there anything here, anything I can see, while I breathe and breathe, trying to stay alive long enough to just be able to be here and know that I am here? Not just any here but the here I am supposed to be in. Is there anything that I can call mine that will not eventually be take from me? Is there anything, anyone, ever?

I’m so burned out, the only person I can stand is myself.

I’m the only one I would put through this.

Wheels and wings, The ride is everything.

I’m all I’ve got.

I’m all I can take.

Another day has destroyed a part of me.

So far so good.

I touch her hair. Her shoulders clench together as she stares into the ground. She looks like a stone bird.

I AM an iceberg

Everyday I float farther and farther out to sea. But that can´t be.

An Iceberg feels no pain.

An Iceberg doesn´t feel cold.

I feel cold, I feel distant.

There is no one. There is nothing.

That´s where I am.

She won´t look me in the eye since I asked I could kiss her.

Even wanting turns her cold.

All these years I’ve been the hard man
All these years it’s been so hard man
To live my life for someone else
In fear of being honest with myself
I perpetrated a lie

Juggling my life with one hand
Tied behind my back, trying to find
And it had always been mine
I perpetrated a lie

I’m in, I’m out, I’m in, I’m out
I’m in, I’m out, I’m in, I’m out
I’m breaking through the darkness

And it knocked me over
Into the light of an older soul
And I’ll never die
Cause everything I am is in your eyes

Angels in my heart, Devils in my eyes
Devils in my eyes…

Crucify my inhibitions
The first born son he died for my sins
Nothing to worry about
And all these years I was the hard man
I always knew I’d find myself and prove
Because you told me the truth
It’s all I wanted from you

My cathartic dream, a primal scream, shedding my skin
Somewhere between light and dark I balanced what I am
And I remember everything, we said we’d find a way
Laugh and cry, love and hate, ain’t no weak link this bond can’t break
I pull it out there, it comes back
I pull it out there, it comes back
I pull it out there, it comes back
I pull it out there, it comes back

Angels in my heart, Devils in my eyes
Devils in my eyes…

Anthrax.-Catharsis

In the brightest hour of my darkest day
I realized what is wrong with me
Can’t get over you. can’t get through to you
It’s been a helter-skelter romance from the start